animal jokes

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animal jokes

Postby Mervin » Aug 4th, '17, 17:14

Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch.
One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside. The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop.
Then he said to them: "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now." The bear (being greedy) went first. I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done.
Then the rabbit. "I would like a helmet." This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet. It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle." Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle.
The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said "I wish the bear was gay" and took off like bat out of hell.


A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.

Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.
They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.

He was out again the next morning.

A twenty-foot fence was put up.

Again he go out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,

"How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody thinks to lock the gate at night!"
Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles,
Hunter S Thompson
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Re: animal jokes

Postby MellowYellow » Aug 4th, '17, 18:03

An adorable little girl walked into my pet shop and asked, “Excuse me, do you have any rabbits here?”

“I do,” I answered, and leaning down to her eye level I asked, “Did you want a white rabbit or would you rather have a soft, fuzzy black rabbit?”

She shrugged. “I don’t think my python really cares.” :-o
Have you noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac ?
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Re: animal jokes

Postby MellowYellow » Aug 4th, '17, 18:24

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
Have you noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac ?
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