EURO-ENGLISH
Posted: Nov 20th, '05, 11:16
The new language of Europe!
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, Her majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish";
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"....Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and the keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing pulik enthusiasm in the seekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotogfaf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, pulik skseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterant to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kominations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it esi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, Her majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish";
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"....Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and the keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing pulik enthusiasm in the seekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotogfaf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, pulik skseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterant to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kominations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it esi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
