joke challenge - not child friendly

[billinom8s]

the challenge is to read this aloud without stopping

An out of work pianist (with Tourettes Syndrome) is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon.Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
'f**king get in there you c**t!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
'Get the f**king manager of this pigs sh*t middle class w*nkhole please
you c**t', he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help
you sir?' he says 'Yes you can you fat piece of sh*t, I saw your poxy advert
in the c**ting window and I'm here to audition.....w*nker.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire
need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition.
The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too
involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries,
'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed twit, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I
just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c**ts blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little
less "lively".'
'w*nker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad
which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty
teardrops asks him the title.
'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t box
you get crap on your flower pot.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or
there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got
nice tits".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but
the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the
condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'f**k it' says the pianist 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up
his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing
putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous
blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting
cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he
decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he
hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.
After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.
'Hi' she says.
Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your cock is hanging
out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I
f**king wrote it!!!'

[billinom8s]

so who managed it ?

[swaner]

i failed